


Why

by halfmoonjisung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abrupt Ending, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Friendship, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, Unrequited Love, a mess posing as a legitimate fic, hyunjin’s emotions: the fic, if you came here for seungjin.... press f, im sorry hyunjin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 06:27:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23966896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfmoonjisung/pseuds/halfmoonjisung
Summary: After a long time of dealing with his feelings, Hyunjin finally figured it out;He was helplessly in love with Kim Seungmin, his best friend’s boyfriend.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 11
Kudos: 139





	Why

**Author's Note:**

> **heads up: excessive use of the song “lost stars” by adam levine**
> 
> hi! i’ve had this draft since october last year and i wrote 2k words and it never the saw the light of day until i opened it again a while ago because of some random writing sprint i decided to have.
> 
> anyway, have 6k words of hyunjin being hopelessly dramatic and in love.
> 
> (it’s 12am when i edited this so i’ll edit it again soon ;-;)

“Jisung isn’t here yet?” Despite the familiarity of the voice, Hyunjin still looked up to meet Seungmin’s curious gaze.

“No,” he replied with a shrug before going back to adjusting his camera lens. “I thought you guys were coming together.”

“I thought  _ you  _ guys were coming together. You’re his best friend!”

“And you’re his boyfriend.”

Hyunjin didn’t need to look at Seungmin to know that he probably rolled his eyes. Soon enough, he felt the empty space beside him get occupied. “He’s not responding to my texts,” Seungmin said. “Jeongin won’t appreciate us being late.”

Hyunjin stopped working on his camera and turned his attention to Seungmin. His eyes seemed far away, but not empty, looking at the sky with a calm sentiment. It reminded Hyunjin of the first time he met him.

It was at the end of summer just about a year ago. Usually, Jisung and Hyunjin would walk home together given that their houses were just right next to each other, but on that day, Jisung had a date with a senior. (“Chan-hyung’s going to treat me some ice cream,” he said. “You can go ahead first.”) Hyunjin was used to Jisung going out with people most of the time, so he didn’t mind. He couldn’t even keep track of all the boys and girls his best friend went out with.

This time was just like the others. Except, it also wasn’t.

Whenever he and Jisung wouldn’t walk home together, Hyunjin would take the long way. It was the quieter route with less people and more nature sceneries. It gave him some sort of comfortable solace, especially when he’s guided by the warm afternoon sun. And that time was just perfect—summer was ending and the leaves of autumn were just about to fall. He was walking down the curved path under a shade of trees when an unfamiliar tune greeted him.

_ “Please don’t see, just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies.” _

Hyunjin stopped in his tracks.  _ God, _ he thought.  _ that’s beautiful. _

And right there, straight ahead, just a small distance from where he was, is the owner of the voice. He was standing in the middle of the road, his right side facing Hyunjin, his eyes cast up to the leaves that are about to let go, as if he were in a faraway trance. 

_ God,  _ he thought again.  _ that’s beautiful. _

As if sensing his presence, the guy stopped singing and turned his attention towards Hyunjin, who immediately felt flustered right there at his spot. Hyunjin was about to slowly retreat when the guy did something he wouldn’t have expected.

He smiled.

That day, Hyunjin didn’t walk home alone.

Looking at Seungmin now, he hasn’t changed one bit. The afternoon sun still made him glow like he belonged in a portrait. Seungmin must have sensed that Hyunjin was staring at him because he shifted a little from his position and reverted his attention back to Hyunjin.

“Why are you staring?” he asked.

Hyunjin shrugged. “Just remembered the first time we met,” he told him truthfully. He let out a whistle and slumped back in his seat. “Wow, it’s been  _ that _ long, huh.”

Before Seungmin could answer, his ringtone played out loud. He stood up and pulled out his phone. “Jisung,” he said, with a deep breath following afterwards. “About time.” He then answered the call.

For the whole week that Jisung was dating Chan, Hyunjin would be walking home with Seungmin. They would talk about anything—the bands they liked, the art they wanted to create, their favorite things. And when Hyunjin opened up about his interest in photography, the chemistry in their friendship sealed its lock. 

After Jisung and Chan stopped whatever they were having, Hyunjin was back to taking the short busy way home with Jisung. He didn’t mind, really. Moments with his best friend are one of his favorites. Though, at the same time, he couldn’t help but wonder if Seungmin was still in their spot under the trees, if he was waiting for Hyunjin, or if he was singing a song again.

Well, he didn’t need to worry anymore. The next week after that, they had a new transfer student named Kim Seungmin.

The smile that Seungmin gave at homeroom that time was unparalleled—especially when he noticed that Hyunjin was in the class. He didn’t even think twice when their adviser asked him where he wanted to sit and he immediately chose the vacant spot next to Hyunjin.

Lunch time came around and Hyunjin invited Seungmin to join him and Jisung at their table. That’s when it started.

Jisung, who skipped homeroom that day, saw Seungmin for the first time, and Hyunjin swore it was like seeing a movie scene in real life. Those scenes where one person just had that look on their face and that glimmer in their eyes when they first see someone—Hyunjin saw that. Not only from Jisung, but from Seungmin as well.

_ This is it, _ he thought that time.

It took Jisung and Seungmin a month before they finally entered a relationship, and Hyunjin couldn’t be any happier for the both of them; most definitely for Jisung, who finally left his fling-and-ditch habit after having met Seungmin.

One thing that Hyunjin really liked was that the three of them would hang out very often and he wouldn’t feel left out. He always felt like he was really included in the group, and not just invited because he was some sort of obligation. 

He’s been with them for as long as he could remember. The first time they celebrated their monthsary, the first time they fought, the first time Jisung called him in the middle of the night just because he didn’t know how to say those three words to Seungmin, and perhaps just their whole relationship.

He didn’t realize he'd been zoning out for quite a while until Seungmin finally hung up the phone call and snapped Hyunjin back to reality.

“What did Jisung say?” he asked.

Seungmin let out a huff of annoyance. “He forgot to buy a gift. He told me to find you and that we should go ahead first.”

“Well then,” he placed his camera back into its bag before standing up. “You found me. Let’s go.”

Jeongin’s place was just a walking distance from where they were, which was why they decided to just do so. They talked about their expectations for Jeongin’s birthday celebration later and Seungmin also gave a few tips to Hyunjin on which things would be amazing to capture.

“This shouldn’t be my job,” Hyunjin told truthfully as they were walking. “You’re a lot better than me. Jeongin should’ve asked you to be the photographer and not me.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes and playfully bumped Hyunjin’s side with his, which Hyunjin found weird because his stomach suddenly acted up. “You don’t give yourself enough credit for your skills,” he said in reply. “I mean,  _ I _ would pick  _ you _ to be the photographer of my party.”

He smiled at that. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin replied almost instantly. Then shortly, after a while, “I’m hungry.”

Hyunjin raised his eyebrow at that. “We’re almost near the party. You can eat there.”

Seungmin laughed and shook his head and pointed at something. “I meant, I’m craving for  _ that.” _

It was only then that Hyunjin realized they reached the park. Kids were running around at the playground, parents were talking to each other by the benches, some are reading books nearby, and some, like Seungmin, are giddily pointing at the ice cream stand at the corner. He was about to protest and say something like  _ There’s going to be ice cream in the party!  _ but Seungmin took his hand and pulled Hyunjin along with him towards the stall.

Somehow, all the words he was supposed to say couldn’t leave the tip of his tongue. Somehow, he was rendered speechless, as he let Seungmin guide them past the crowd. Somehow, an unsettling feeling was starting to form at the pit of his stomach at the same time he felt the blood rising up to his cheeks. 

When they reached the ice cream stand, they were the only customers lining up. Seungmin let go of Hyunjin’s hand and reached for his wallet.

Somehow, the lingering feeling of Seungmin’s hand on his didn’t lose its warmth.

_ Wait, _ he thought.  _ why? _

“Hey, which flavor do you want?” Seungmin asked as soon as he got a hold of a few bills. 

Hyunjin shook his head in response. In a way, it was also his method of trying to brush away his previous thoughts that were dangerously about to plague his mind. “I’m not eating.”

Seungmin frowned at him, his lips forming into a pout.  _ Cute _ , he thought mindlessly. “Why not?”

“Why should I? We’re going to Jeongin’s party, there’s probably lots of food there.”

“Yeah,” he trailed, and then Seungmin showed him one of his smiles, the kind that enhances his cheeks and reaches his eyes. “But it doesn’t have  _ this  _ ice cream.”

Seungmin said it with genuine enthusiasm that Hyunjin just laughed fondly and nodded. “Okay, I’m getting what you’re getting.”

A bigger smile this time. Why did Hyunjin’s chest tighten at that? “Great!” Seungmin turned to the vendor who was looking at them with a curious expression. “Two mint chocolate cones, please.” And before Hyunjin can even do anything else, Seungmin looked at him straight in the eye with a finished stare. “I’m paying.”

He didn’t argue as Seungmin handed the bills to the vendor.

_I don’t think I’m feeling well._ _That must be it._ Thoughts were racing in Hyunjin’s mind as they both waited for their cones, and Seungmin humming a lovely song surprisingly worsened the situation. 

“Oppa! Oppa!”

His thoughts were interrupted when a little girl came up to them and tugged on Seungmin’s shirt.

They both smiled at the sight. “Yeah?” Seungmin asked in a sweet voice and Hyunjin swore his heart would've melted if he heard more of it.  _ What? _

“M-My kite,” the girl stuttered, tears starting to form in her eyes. Her hand was still tugging on Seungmin’s shirt and the other was pointing at a nearby tree. “C- can’t reach. Want h- help.”

“You want me to get it for you?” Seungmin asked in that voice again. Hyunjin felt warmer.

The girl nodded and let out a sob. Seungmin took her hand and rubbed small circles with his thumb, trying to calm her down. “Okay,” he then smiled, glanced at Hyunjin at the corner of his eye for a while, and turned back to the little girl. “Let’s get your kite.”

Seungmin didn’t show this side of him often, that’s why it still marvels Hyunjin how sweet he could be. Jisung was usually the one showering Seungmin with affection. Most of the time, when the three of them hang out, Jisung would joke about trying to get Seungmin’s attention and love and the other would just have a dead stare that translates to “No, I’m not doing this.” Oftentimes Hyunjin had seen the two of them bicker and make fun of each other, but there were also times, small moments, where Hyunjin would see the side of their relationship where you could really tell that they love each other. Especially Seungmin.

It was those moments where Seungmin probably thought that no one was looking. Whenever Jisung pouts at something Seungmin did—or rejected, for that matter—he would still always let out a chuckle and look at Jisung like he hung up all the stars in the sky. 

There was also the time when Jisung got sick over the weekend. Hyunjin was out of town that time, that’s why he couldn’t visit him; but when he checked up on his best friend over the phone, he would tell him how Seungmin never left his side for the whole weekend. Jisung would joke about finally experiencing Seungmin’s caring side for a long time, but Hyunjin could definitely hear the genuine fondness in his voice.

“Is he always that sweet?”

Hyunjin was startled out of his trance by the vendor who was now finishing up their orders. “Pardon?”

“Him,” the vendor made a gesture with his head towards the other boy and the little girl.

“Oh,” Hyunjin chuckled. “He doesn’t show it much, but he’s the sweetest.”

The vendor smiled at that. “You two are a lovely couple.”

_ Strike one. _

His eyes widened at that. He tried to act composed but his body was betraying him. Color rose up to his cheeks, knots formed in his stomach. “We aren’t a couple.”

“Oh,” but the vendor didn’t sound convinced. He looked at Hyunjin straight in the eye for a while. Hyunjin fiddled with his shirt awkwardly. He was pretty sure his face was still red and his stomach was still upset, but now his heart was beating fast as well. The vendor finally shrugged and went back to finishing up their ice creams. “I see.”

Hyunjin let out a nervous chuckle, mostly to release the pent up tension building inside him. “We’re just friends.”

“I’m sorry for misunderstanding,” the vendor apologized, handing out both ice creams to Hyunjin. “You just give him that look.”

Hyunjin’s heart started to pound again. “What look?”

He gave him a warm and understanding smile. “Like he hung up all the stars.”

Before Hyunjin could even process those words, Seungmin was already back from his kite-saving mission. “You got the cones! Let’s go now.”

Seungmin took his cone and bid the vendor good bye. Hyunjin did as well, but when he caught the vendor’s eye, he gave him a knowing smile that sent Hyunjin’s thoughts into haywire yet again.

_ What on earth? _

“You okay?” Seungmin asked as they were walking. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

_ I don’t know.  _ “I am,” he replied, though it was more of convincing himself than reassuring Seungmin. “I’m okay.”

Seungmin patted his back gently. “Eat your ice cream, it can help.”

For someone who’s eating a cold ice cream cone, he sure felt warm when Seungmin touched him. Hyunjin tried to shut down these thoughts by minding his own mint chocolate.

They walked along the sidewalk in silence, mostly because Hyunjin was taking his time with his food so as to distract him from his mind with the plaguing thoughts he couldn’t— _ wouldn’t  _ understand. It’s barely working, but he couldn’t think of anything else.

_ “Please don’t see,” _

There it was again. He looked beside him to find Seungmin lost in his own world, eyes up ahead, voice still as angelic as ever.

_ “Just a boy caught up in dreams and fantasies.” _

Hyunjin felt a little dizzy. And when he saw a leaf fall down from a tree’s branch from a certain distance, he was back. Back to the time he first heard this song, back to the time he first saw Seungmin.

Back to the time he first felt like this.  _ But what was this? _

_ “Please see me reaching out for someone I can’t see.” _

_ God,  _ he marveled at the sight.  _ that’s beautiful. _

_ Strike two. _

He shook his head silently and focused on his ice cream again. He needed to clear his head. He needed his hands to stop shaking. He needed to stop taking himself back to that familiar afternoon in autumn when he started feeling this warmth. He needed to focus on finishing up his damn ice cream.

_ “Take my hand, let’s see where we wake up tomorrow.” _

He needed his heartbeat to stop accelerating.

_ “Best laid plans sometimes are just a one night stand.” _

Seungmin’s singing usually calmed him, but right now there was a part of Hyunjin that seemed to be restricting him from being able to feel so.

_ “I’d be damned, Cupid’s demanding back his arrow.” _

Even the chills from the cone wasn’t enough to put out the warmth that was suddenly engulfing him the more he listened to Seungmin.

_ “So let’s get drunk on our tears,” _

Hyunjin let out a sigh. 

_ “God, tell us the reason,” _

He let himself listen.

Listening to Seungmin, he thought, was like letting sunlight wrap you in a tight embrace. Listening to Seungmin was like an angel stroking your hair while they watched you fall asleep. Listening to Seungmin was like feeling the promise of the night sky the moment it replaced the sun from its place. 

Listening to Seungmin was a lot of things.

And Hyunjin liked them.

For some reason, they stayed like that; Seungmin singing the song that haunted Hyunjin mind for weeks and Hyunjin content with just listening to him. By the time his friend finished his song, Hyunjin was also through with his ice cream.

“Why do you always sing that?” Hyunjin managed to ask.

Seungmin raised his eyebrows. “I do?”

“Yeah,” Hyunjin replied. “You would sing that even in class, when you’re doing worksheets, or maybe while waiting for our next teacher to come, or just waiting until Jisung returns to our table after ordering our lunches, or even just any given chance you have,”

“Huh,” Seungmin had that faraway gaze directed straight ahead again. “I didn’t even know I was singing that song a lot.”

“Well,” Hyunjin supplied. “You do.”

“Oh,” realization flashed in his eyes. “I’m surprised you noticed that.”

The sound of the rustling leaves kept them company for the rest of the walk. Hyunjin was still thinking about  _ why,  _ indeed, could he have noticed that. He thought that maybe it was because of the day he first heard Seungmin sing it was a significant memory that has always been placed in its reserved corner in his mind—but then again,  _ why  _ did he think it was significant?

“Hey,” Seungmin broke him out of his thoughts as he nudged him again. “Ready your camera. We’re here.”

Indeed, they were.

Jeongin’s place was located at one of the wealthier parts of town, where they have a yard probably thrice as wide as a regular one. That was put to good use—what was supposed to be a small get together for his birthday turned into a celebration that apparently required Hyunjin’s services to capture every single moment of it.

The gate was open and inviting, and Jeongin’s front terrace was adorned with cloth and a few extra ornaments that Hyunjin was sure weren’t there when he invited them to sleepover last week. There were a few tables and chairs located at their yard beside the bungalow, and he could stop a long buffet table and a big karaoke machine somewhere there too.

He hears Seungmin laugh again beside him and his stomach formed knots again. “All  _ these  _ for a birthday?”

Hyunjin followed suit, chuckling a little bit, the knots still in their place. “Well, now I know why they want me to take pictures. This shouldn’t go to waste. Although,” he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “This puts a little bit more pressure onto me than I thought.”

“Hey,” Seungmin said softly, placing his hand on Hyunjin’s arm which was now causing a startling sensation. “You’ll be okay,”

“A- as if,” he stuttered, but still thankful to let some words out despite feeling tongue-tied. “Though, you would indeed be saying that if you were in my place. I don’t even know where to start.”

“Hmm…” Seungmin hummed, his hand still on Hyunjin’s arm which wasn’t helping the pounding in his chest. He wondered if it was still even about photographing Jeongin’s birthday, or if it really was ever about that at all. “Start with taking pictures of those you find beautiful, then you’ll get it from there.”

“Beautiful,” he repeated as he turned to look at Seungmin who was admiring the sight of the house.

_ God,  _ he thought.  _ that’s beautiful. _

Before he could even process his thoughts further, the hand that was resting on his arm now grabbed him which pulled him out of his trance as he followed Seungmin’s figure to Jeongin’s yard. 

There were already other people there who beat them to playing a song in the karaoke machine or taking spoonfuls of the food laid out on the long table. Friends of theirs greeted them as they entered, getting excited when they spot Hyunjin’s camera and making him promise to get a picture of them later.

“Where’s Jisung?” they would always ask.

And Seungmin would always beat him to answering, like talking about Jisung was already a reflex he developed over time. “On his way, he bought a gift.”

Though, he didn’t say that when they finally greeted the birthday boy. Seungmin simply told him Jisung was on his way and got held back with something, leaving the gift part behind. 

“I see…” Jeongin told them. He then spotted the DSLR camera hanging around Hyunjin’s neck and squealed. “You really brought it! Thank you, hyung!”

“Of course,” he regarded, taking the camera in his hands. “How about I start by taking a picture of you?”

Jeongin nodded and led them to the right end of the table where his five-layered cake was displayed. Hyunjin snapped a photograph of the younger and after Jeongin checked to see how it turned out, he thanked him and proceeded to greet his other guests, leaving Seungmin and him alone again.

“Let me see the picture,” Seungmin insisted, walking closer towards him.

“You’re gonna judge me,” Hyunjin joked, but he didn’t move away.

When Seungmin leaned near him to catch a glimpse of the photo on the camera, Hyunjin’s breath hitched. Although Hyunjin was taller, he and Seungmin were almost just the same height, which was why the other’s face was close—so, so, close—to his. His heart was already hammering in his chest since a while ago, but if he thought it couldn’t get any worse, the moment proved him wrong. 

While Seungmin was looking at the picture, he let himself look at his friend; from his eyelashes to his warm brown eyes to the slope of his nose and the shape of his lips. It was all so hauntingly close, so hauntingly near, and hauntingly beautiful.

“You’re amazing!” Seungmin exclaimed, bringing Hyunjin back to reality. “I  _ love  _ this photo!”

Hyunjin almost melted at the compliment. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Seungmin said, beaming at him. “Take one of me, will you? Just like this.”

All Seungmin had to do was smile and Hyunjin would agree. “Okay,”

Seungmin went to where Jeongin was standing a while ago and striked a pose which earned a soft laugh from Hyunjin while he was positioning his camera. When he finally got Seungmin in the frame, he took the photo and signaled him with a thumbs up. The other only struck another pose but really, Hyunjin didn’t mind taking more photos.

After that, everything flowed naturally. He was taking pictures of the decorations, of the food in the buffet, of candid moments of the people singing with the karaoke, of guests and visitors who requested to be photographed. Seungmin was by his side all the time, never missing a chance to compliment him and Hyunjin would always snap a picture of him in reply.

He was taking a picture of the flowers in the vase on top of a table when he heard Seungmin call someone.

“Jisung!”

At the mention of his best friend’s name, Hyunjin felt a rush of excitement flow through him as he turned to greet his best friend. Jisung looked flushed, probably because he ran and rushed to get a gift, and the said gift was in his arms which just happened to be a giant teddy bear that was half as tall as Hyunjin.

“Okay, before you scold me,” he told Seungmin, using the bear as a defense. “They said wrapping it would take quite a while, and I was already running late so I just bought it like this.”

Seungmin rolled his eyes as he took the bear from Jisung. “And whose fault is that?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to forget!”

“Yeah, sure,” Seungmin was already making his way to Jeongin. “I’ll give this to him now.”

Hyunjin chuckled at the small familiar exchange. He heard Jisung let out a sigh which was followed by a whine. “Is he mad at me?”

“It’s Seungmin,” Hyunjin pointed out. “He’s always mad at you.”

Jisung laughed at that, eyes finding his boyfriend. “Yeah, he is,”

It was the dreamy look that Jisung had on his face as he gazed at Seungmin that brought Hyunjin back to reality. For some reason, he felt a new overwhelming sensation engulf him once more, this time foreign and worrying; it was the same feeling he got from the aftermath of copying Jisung’s problem set, but it was also the same feeling he got when he lost to Jeongin when they played that basketball game with his playstation. 

It was a mix of guilt and defeat. 

Hyunjin didn’t like it.

Still, the sight of Jisung smiling was enough for him to endure the feeling.

The rest of the celebration went well. Hyunjin would take pictures, Jisung would do something, and Seungmin would always scold him. Still, the three of them stuck together. Hyunjin felt like they didn’t really have to be with him as he roamed around to get photos, but Jisung was insistent on not leaving Hyunjin without company. Even though he didn’t tell them, he was thankful for that.

When Jeongin told him to rest and take a break, Jisung thought it was the perfect opportunity to steal the songbook from someone and punch in the first cheesy song he found and dedicate it to Seungmin. Hyunjin was sitting down on one of the chairs, making sure to get everything recorded, and Seungmin was beside him, face morphing into disgust.

“This one’s for you, babe!” Jisung winked at him which only made Seungmin recoil jokingly.

Jisung turned their back on them and sang to some fifties song Hyunjin was not entirely familiar with. It was quite a sight, Jisung choosing something that was meant for a female’s range, belting out the notes carelessly which lifted up everybody’s mood. Even Hyunjin was laughing, grateful for how his best friend can manage to become sunshine to everyone in the party.

When he subconsciously turned to look beside him, his heart dropped.

Seungmin wasn’t laughing along with the rest of the crowd or pretending to be disgusted just like he was a while ago. Instead, he was looking at Jisung the same way Jisung looked at him a while ago. The corner of his lips were lifted up a little bit, forming a small content smile. There was a blush residing on his cheeks which Hyunjin didn’t see a while ago, and his eyes were looking fondly at Jisung.

It was such a beautiful sight, to see a person looking at someone they love with every trace of their heart written across their face. It was a very heartwarming sight, one that would touch your emotions and make you feel some sort of joy.

However, Hyunjin didn’t entirely feel that.

What greeted him was an intense pain in his chest as he continued to stare at Seungmin, the knots that never left his stomach tightening, his breath quickening, his heart feeling like it was going to explode any moment.

It almost felt like he was broken.

He shook his head before Seungmin could even catch him and focused on a singing Jisung instead.

Until the end of the party, the three of them stuck together. Sure, right after Jisung dedicated a song to him, Seungmin went back to scowling at him every chance he got, but the memory of how he looked at Jisung when he thought no one was looking was burning intensely at the back of Hyunjin’s mind.

Hyunjin promised Jeongin to bring him a flashdrive of all the pictures in his film before greeting him a happy birthday again and bidding him goodbye. He joined Seungmin and Jisung who were already waiting for him by the entrance.

“You got a lot,” Jisung acknowledged, nodding towards the camera. “I hope I have enough pictures there.”

Hyunjin fluttered his eyelids at him jokingly. “You know you’re my muse, Ji.”

“Ahhhh, as much as I’d love that,” Jisung said before winking at Seungmin. “I’m already someone’s muse.”

“Gross,” the other responded almost immediately which made Hyunjin laugh. “I don’t know why I’m dating you.”

“You love me!” Jisung protested, pouting.

“Anyway, Hyunjin!” Seungmin said, ignoring the now whining Jisung. “You should have pictures of yourself.

He blinked dumbly. “What?”

“Oh come on,” Seungmin insisted. “You’re always behind the camera, you need to have a photo too.”

“I agree!” Jisung piped in. “Let me do the photo taking.”

“No, no, no,” Seungmin said firmly. “Don’t even think about it.”

“You have little faith in me,” Jisung huffed. “Hyunjin, hand me your camera. Let me take a picture of you and Seungmin.”

Hyunjin was sure he turned red again at the mention of him and Seungmin getting a picture together. “Wh- what?”

But Jisung was already onto him, taking his camera and dragging Seungmin to find his place beside Jisung. “Right,” he said as he positioned the camera. “Please strike a pose for me!”

Hyunjin was blanking. He didn’t really strike any pose until Seungmin nudged his side, forcing him to move. When the flash went off, he immediately regretted not thinking of a better pose to do. Seungmin went over to Jisung to check the picture out and begrudgingly gave in to complimenting it when his boyfriend kept on telling him it was a great photo.

There was silence for a while, and then Seungmin placed a soft kiss on Jisung’s cheek before starting the walk home. There was a lazy smile forming on his best friend’s face as his eyes met Hyunjin, probably conveying a message about how happy that made him.

Hyunjin caught the message, but for some reason, he didn’t share the same sentiments.

He was almost thankful when he had to part ways with the two of them—almost. There was a part of him that didn’t want to go yet, that wanted to reach out to and yearn for something. Still, the rational part of his brain that wanted to rest away the emotions he’s been having forced him to continue his walk home together alone.

During those moments, Hyunjin found himself thinking about his friends, about Jisung and Seungmin, about how much they bicker like an old married couple all the time, about the little gestures they subtly do for the other. It used to make him feel happy and hopeful—it still did, only this time, it was laced with something else, something both foreign and familiar.

And then his thoughts drifted back to Seungmin; Warm, beautiful, Seungmin. He thought of his little pout when he talked to Jisung on the phone a while ago. He thought about how excited he got when he spotted the ice cream stand. He thought about his gentle gesture when he helped the little girl at the park a while ago. He thought about the song he sang while they walked to Jeongin’s party. He thought about the way Seungmin smiled whenever Hyunjin would capture a photo of him. He thought about the soft look he had when he watched Jisung sing. He thought about the way his cheeks flushed when he gave Jisung a small kiss.

He thought about that warm afternoon in the beginning of autumn when he first saw him.

Overwhelmed with everything, he made a run to his room the moment he reached his house, locked his door, and threw himself on top of his bed. For a moment he stayed like that, willing everything feeling wrong about him to stop, but he hoped in vain. He was losing his mind, he’s pretty sure that was the only answer.

To distract himself, Hyunjin sat up and grabbed his laptop from his bedside table so he could transfer the files from his camera to Jeongin’s flashdrive. He subconsciously hummed to a random song as he opened his camera’s film memory, scanning each picture he took.

There was Jeongin in front of his birthday cake with a smile that reached his eyes, looking like the life of the party. And then there was Seungmin where Jeongin once was, pouting at the camera which made Hyunjin laugh. He scrolled through the photos. There were flowers, Seungmin holding the flowers, the buffet, Seungmin posing with a chicken drumstick, the gift section, Seungmin pretending to be a dinosaur behind the pile.

Seungmin attempting to swat the camera away.

Seungmin sticking out his tongue.

Seungmin with his arm draped around Jeongin.

Seungmin looking up at the sky.

Seungmin smiling at the ground.

Seungmin.

_ Start with taking pictures of those you find beautiful, then you’ll get it from there,  _ he remembered Seungmin telling him.

_ Strike three. _

“Fuck,” he thought out loud as he scrolled through the photos. He did a pretty good job at capturing everything in the party, but he also did a pretty good jon at capturing Seungmin.

And in that moment, everything made sense.

The intense pulse, the knots in his stomach, the restless feeling, the burning sensation everytime Seungmin touched him, the subconscious pull—everything.

It was why he couldn’t stop thinking about the day they first met. It was why the vendor mistook them as a couple because he said Hyunjin looked at Seungmin like he hung up the stars. It was why hearing Seungmin sing felt like magic. It was why he noticed him singing the same song all the time. It was why he always paid attention to everything Seungmin did and said. It was why he found his heart going crazy whenever the proximity of their faces were close enough for Hyunjin to admire every detail. It was why he couldn’t bring himself to bear a full smile whenever Seungmin looked at Jisung, or whenever Jisung looked at Seungmin, or whenever they look at each other.

It was supposed to come as a surprise, but Hyunjin greeted the thought like an old friend he knew was there but never acknowledged.

He was in love with Kim Seungmin.

And it shouldn’t be like that, because Seungmin’s very much in love with Han Jisung, Hyunjin’s best friend, and the feeling was very mutual on the other side.

“Why…” he breathed out, lips trembling slightly as he let the realization sink in.

He thought of Jisung, of all the times he’s been there for Hyunjin, of all the times he let him copy his problem sets and worksheets, of all the times he accompanied him home, of all the times he would come rushing to Hyunjin because of Seungmin.

For some reason, it had to be Jisung that fell in love with Seungmin. It had to be Jisung that managed to capture Seungmin’s attention. It had to be Jisung, Hyunjin’s very own best friend, who was showering Seungmin with all the love Hyunjin wished he could show too.

“Why him…” he asked to no one in particular in a soft broken whisper. “Why Jisung?”

And then he thought of Seungmin; of all the people he had to fall in love with, it had to be him. It had to be the guy that kept his best friend up at night, the guy that made his best friend the happiest person alive, the guy that Jisung was madly in love with.

“Why—“ he started again, letting his trembling whisper of words float in the air. “Why Seungmin?”

And above all, he thought about how unfair it was. Seungmin and Jisung were two of the most important people in Hyunjin’s life, and it was a blessing that their places were meant to be on each other’s side. Hyunjin thought it’s unfair that he can’t be entirely happy about it, that despite the genuine smile he would give, there was a surge of pain that would find its way to his chest and keep him from being entirely happy. Hyunjin thought it’s unfair how he met Seungmin first before all of this and yet it took him a long time to fully accept his feelings.

He thought it was unfair that he had to be the one to fall in love with his best friend’s boyfriend.

Closing his eyes, he let one more phrase in the air, his voice just as broken as the heart that would not stop aching in his chest. “Why me?”

**Author's Note:**

> i’m sorry hyunjin i love you still
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading! i know it’s not much and it’s mostly just hyunjin pining, but still, thank you for reading every bit of it.
> 
> find me on twitter! @halfmoonjisung  
> and my cc is open! @halfmoonjisung
> 
> (i have yet to learn how to add links)
> 
> have a great day/night!


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